A mother’s story

A few years ago, I was an active member of HSBC including leading a weekly special needs group and helping in Sunday School. My youngest daughter disclosed to her school that a man, four years older, from the church youth group had threatened her with sexual assault. Concerned for her wellbeing, the school chaplain sent a letter to HSBC leadership, urging that this should be treated as a safeguarding matter and that they should communicate with him. Sadly, this letter went unanswered.

Despite being actively involved in the church, my daughter grew increasingly anxious and distressed over the unresolved threat. Weeks passed without action, and her anxiety worsened, leading to self-harm and her refusal to attend church. We later learned, from a former youth leader, that the young man had previously behaved similarly toward another vulnerable girl. When I shared this with church leadership, they resisted, seemingly angry that I had looked into my daughter’s plight, and dismissed my concerns.

A month later, after asking for updates, I was told to address the matter with the Elders. By this point, my children had stopped attending church, and my husband was deeply upset. A senior leader agreed to investigate, but in a subsequent meeting, I was horrified when the Safeguarding Officer implied the girl had led the man on. I expressed that this felt like a cover-up, but leadership denied any wrongdoing.

I wanted to leave the church, but leadership insisted I couldn’t step down without relinquishing my ministry group. Not wanting to let the group down, I stayed. Later, in a meeting with several leaders, I was told an alleged independent investigation (for which no evidence was provided) had cleared the church of any fault. Instead, I received a letter accusing me of wrongdoing for suggesting a cover-up. In a four-hour meeting, I felt broken and coerced into accepting the disciplinary letter.

For about a year, I continued attending church without my family, driven by my commitment to the ministry I loved. Over time, I grew deeply unhappy, as there was no outreach or support for me or my family. When I confided my feelings to someone in the church, they shared this with leadership, leading to yet another disciplinary meeting instead of understanding or compassion.

After eight years at HSBC, my husband and I decided to leave. The situation could have been resolved early on with proper safeguarding and love, but instead, it became controlling and devoid of care. When we submitted our resignation letter, there was no response or effort to reach out. Sadly the group caring for those with special needs did not continue.